Intimacy with Jesus: this is the measure of life for Agnes Kyungee Ahn, who was received into the novitiate on September 20. With joy we celebrate this milestone with her as she continues her journey towards an ever deepening experience of her one desire, this intimacy without which, she says, "everything would be nothing."

Agnes, who was born in Taegu, Korea, came to Carmel with a yearning for prayer and seeking a way to "be with Jesus entirely." And yet she had her questions – how would life in the monastery be valuable for the world, how could it be shared with God’s people? During her postulancy year, she came to realize with strong conviction the significance of her call to Carmel, not just for herself but for others. She found that the life of contemplative prayer made her "see the world differently." She speaks of a transformation of vision that connects her intimately not only with Jesus but with all people and with the world. This is a vision she expresses in terms of solidarity. "In Jesus’ heart," Agnes says, "we can share all, with all people." With those who are in sorrow and suffering, Jesus is present and bearing their burdens – and through prayer Agnes knows that she, too, stands in the same posture with those in need. She wants to "live out this world reality," to announce and share the vitality, strength and love that is found through intimacy with Jesus.

Agnes brings many talents, bright joy and beautiful images to our community life. She communicates delicate grace and deep feeling through her liturgical dance and gesture, and also through wonderful floral arrangements for our chapel. In the "wilderness" of Carmel, as she calls it, she shares the companionship of her sisters and of the larger community that gathers here weekly. "They are our witnesses," Agnes says; "they take us outward." She also has a message for anyone who may be discerning their call to the Carmelite way of life. "Come, but only if you have a sincere desire to meet God and to love God. A bit of fear is a good sign. But know that a person is here who has gone through that same journey, who has been led to Carmel, and who has found love." She is Sister Agnes Kyungee of Jesus.

Sr. Barbara Jean Celebrates 50^th Anniversary of Religious Life

While the ancient Carmelite Rule cautions moderation in everything, in all the major texts and personalities of the tradition beginning with its basic Elijahn myth and moving through the life and writings of Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Therese of Lisieux, Edith Stein and others, one encounters magnificent passion bordering on excess. The Carmelite prayer tradition helps and educates by showing us how passion for God matures, that is, how desire grows in ardor, how communion and being God's partner in love comes about - and indeed what this passion costs.

Desire: this is exactly what characterizes those marked by the Carmelite spirit --- the ardor of their desire to love and be transformed in love and the intensity of their contemplative experience of God in darkness where all desire is purified and transformed. Nothing is so expressive of the passionate desire we find in the Carmelite prayer tradition as this simultaneous intertwining emphasis on love and self-dispossession which we see elegantly portrayed, for example, in the poetry of John of the Cross and more simply demonstrated in the writings of Therese.

In our gospel Jesus, himself, speaks of desire, of love, but also of ambition, personal striving, and self-dispossession in terms of treasure. Here treasure is not simply what we possess; it is what we love, what we cherish, what captures the human heart. Our treasure, whether God, another person, pleasure, reputation, status, wealth is that which we trust, what we count on, where we place our security. The treasure is that for which we will sacrifice all other good, sell all, making it the preeminent value that has no equal in our lives.* All human striving is directed, whether we recognize it or not, to finding this treasure.

Carmelite life and prayer begin with the intuition that this yearning can be satisfied only in and by God. Its very purpose in the Church is to make prophetic, radical witness to this belief. A Carmelite bears that witness first by committing to hand over what she has and is, as best she can, following the stark demand by Luke’s Jesus for radical detachment from all that would impede the disciple’s relationship with Christ in love and her dedication to the Reign of God.* Initially this handing over and detaching is often experienced as a wonderful freedom, and the first intuition about the fulfillment of desire is affirmed in prayer and lived experience. However, sooner or later we are led more deeply into the contemplative process where limitation, our own and others, looms large and the pain of all we have held back or not been capable of turning over invades our spirit. All the great people of our tradition have known this purifying darkness which undoes the self, deconstructs the identity and leaves only disorientation where firm ground had formerly been. Desires are disappointed, even good spiritual desires, since to find the treasure we cannot cling to our own notions of God, who is, the Carmelite mystics tell us, beyond anything we can imagine. John of the Cross speaks of a purification of the memory in which our imagination is freed from its cherished expectations and lifelong projections so that we might be truly open to the unfathomable possibilities of God.

One’s ability to be transformed by this experience depends on whether a person stands firm in the dark Mystery of God and allows it to happen. The most natural response is to flee, to refuse the process and life circumstances that undo us, even if they are freeing us for God and God’s people. I know Barbara Jean has seen desires disappointed and some important expectations unfulfilled and she has stood firm. So you can see that it is no small feat for her to make it to 50 years of religious life - 33 of them in Carmel - to persevere, to hold fast to the commitment of her youth, made before she could even begin to know what the commitment would cost. This achievement is the fruit of contemplative prayer to which Barb has shown a consistent and steady fidelity throughout her life with us. Only through prayer has she found the strength to accept this stripping away as necessary in order for what remains to be that one singular treasure: God who fills her heart. This is why she is so joyous today and why we rejoice with her and love her.

And as God fills her heart, so too do all God’s people. Authentic contemplative prayer always blossoms forth as outpouring love; it is the architect for deep relationships and the foundational grounding of creative interconnectedness. As contemplatives we hold the world in our hearts; the point of our prayer is to infuse love-energy into the world, onto the currents of consciousness, to extend our intimacy with God through contemplative presence to the world far and near, writ large and small. This relational disposition bubbles over, not just in sincerity but in passionate joy celebrating the goodness of creation, of all that is, a joy that is infectious and that brightens the days of all whom it touches. It will come as no surprise to anyone here that in our Carmelite community, Barbara Jean is a wonderful, funny, and at times even crazy presence. She can find happiness in the simplest things, like the sound of the word mozzarella, which she has been known to repeat like a mantra to the sisters in formation, who love to tease her. You see, she is a great mimic and likes to pretend she can speak many various languages. She also can be a great practical joker, using a straight face to convince someone of the most unlikely event, like when she told Leah, after she entered, that the Novitiate undertook a 2 a.m. prayer vigil every night. She is a wonderful and much loved community member, a sister to us all. And I can testify to the fact that she is a faithful friend.

Just as telling of her soul’s disposition, I think, is the energy, love and interest Barbara Jean brings to her many other relationships – her beloved family, her precious friends, those who come to her for help, retreats, spiritual direction, talks, and the wider community that gathers around us here. When a nephew gets married, when a niece graduates or gets a first job, BJ’s excitement and joy are so tangible; she cannot wait to share the news with the rest of us. And have you ever seen her with children, for instance here in our chapel on a Sunday morning? They seem to gravitate towards her – actually, I think she gravitates towards them! – perhaps in each other they sense kindred spirits, she with her uninhibited love and straightforward talk, and maybe even her occasionally wacky (and only half-serious – I think) ideas. This ability to be present to and communicate with children was not new in Carmel. I want to read you an excerpt from a letter I received recently:

I have known Sr. [Barbara Jean] since I was a child and a resident at St. Mary’s Home in Ambler, PA. That was a very difficult time in my life, and Sister, who was very young at the time, was a beacon of hope and solace to me. The children knew that she would listen to and console us. It must have been difficult for a young sister to try to be a mother and teacher to a bunch of kids. Yet, that is what she was to us…We laugh when we remember her teaching us to sing and tap dance for a play, teaching us baseball, and getting us to sing in harmony in the choir. We remember the many hours when she stayed up with the sick kids, repaired our clothes and helped us with our school work…I feel that the life I have now is partly due to God’s plan to put Sister into my life [many years ago].

This is another kind of testament to Barbara Jean’s life. The one with which I began reflects the hard-earned wisdom of her life’s journey to this point; this last one, from the past, is a window onto that wisdom’s source, the living that has been both its cost and fruition. These two testaments together aptly depict where Barbara Jean stands today, which puts me in mind of an experience described by Marilynne Robinson in her novel Gilead:

A Chapter of the Secular Order of Carmel meets each month at our monastery. Three members of this Chapter, Kaye McGill, Mary Lee Reeger, and Ann Stipe, made their First Promise in the Mary Queen of Carmel Community on May 1^st, 2005. The Spirit of Jesus continues to draw individuals interested in experiencing a deeper spiritual life to find an answer to their quest in Carmelite spirituality. Please contact Debbie Ventre, 410-686-2132 or James Peleska, 410-452-5334 for further information.

For single women 18 to 35 years old, this program is part of our continuing deep desire to nurture vocations to Carmelite life in our community. Contact Sr. Judy Murray at 410-823-7415 or JudyMurray@baltimorecarmel.org. Please help us by telling others about this opportunity.